I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
ok first of all what the fuck
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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