cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
