Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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