The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
