Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
