no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
