He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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