Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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