idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
