Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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