smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
