I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
