honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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