No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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