I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
