All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
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