Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
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I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
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Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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