dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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