You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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