I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Randomize
