I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
