Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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