I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
