Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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