Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
