There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize