I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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