That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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