The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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