Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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