So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
