it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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