she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
