This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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