Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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