So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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