You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
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I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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