My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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