Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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