What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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