If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
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His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
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also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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