We won't sleep together?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
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He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
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IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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