I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
