Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(