You work out of a Hotel?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
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If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child