theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?