I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.