i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You ruined the universe
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
