I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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