i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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