I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
