It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
