Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
