I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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