At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
