the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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