Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
