I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
