I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
