you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
