Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
