Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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