did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
