Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
