drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
