never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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