her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
