Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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