All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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