oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
