John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
