Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
