i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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