i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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