Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Randomize
