If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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