i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I don't think brook has ever known best
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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